打破焦点效应，不需要那么多“不好意思”

大家早上好，元宵节快乐！祝大家团团圆圆，幸福常伴！
首先呢我先分享一小篇故事。。。。。

Good morning everyone. I will speak usingboth English and Chinese.
First, I'd like to share a short story with you...

Once upon a time, an old man was taking hisgrandson and leading a donkey to the market to sell. After walking for a while,the old man heard a passerby['pɑ:sə'baɪ] say, "These two, grandfather andgrandson, are fools for not riding the donkey." The two thought this madesense. So, they mounted[ˈmaʊntɪd] the donkeyand continued their journey. Not long after, they met another passerby whopointed at them and said, "These two are really...".

"That's heartless! Two people riding adonkey almost crushed it to death." Hearing this from a passerby, the oldman thought it made sense. He quickly dismounted [dɪsˈmaʊntid], letting his grandson ride alone while he led the donkey on foot.

A little while later, they met another oldwoman. The old woman said, "What kind of world is this? This child is so inconsiderate[ˌɪnkənˈsɪdərət], enjoying himself while making an old man walk." The old man,thinking the old woman was right, let his grandson down and rode the donkeyhimself.

As they walked, they came to a bustling street.There, three or five women pointed and whispered ['wɪspəd], "Oh,how can this old man be so heartless? He only cares about his own enjoymentwhile the child suffers [ˈsʌfəz]."Hearing this, the old man blushed [blʌʃt].

"This isn't right, that isn't right,what is the right thing to do?"

In the end, the grandfather and grandsoncarried the donkey away.

我认为在这篇故事中，是想告诉我们，打破羞耻感，要把你的这层壳剥开，不要不好意思，太在意他人的话，应该有自我意识。学会课题分离，这也是我在圆桌派中看到的，课题分离这个概念是来自心理学家阿德勒，核心就是一句话”谁承担最终结果，这件事就是谁的话题“比如说你的课题，你的情绪、行动等，他人的课题，别人的感受，别人的评价等等，课题分离就是帮你划清界限，把注意力放在自己身上。注意，课题分离不是说让你变得冷漠，而是让你更好的认识自己，爱人如己嘛！由此联想到在圆桌派里的这样一段话说是“你在社会上混，敏感不重要，钝感很重要，在判断事物的时候，敏感是非常有用的，但是在判断人际关系上的时候，不要那么过于敏感，人家其实没怎么你，但是自我觉得怎么怎么样，从而引起连锁反应。
I think this story tries to tell us that weshould break through our sense of shame. We need to peel off that layer of"shell" we hide in. Don't be shy, and don't care too much about whatothers say. We should have self-awareness [əˈwerənəs]. Learn to do课题分离 "topic separation[ˌsepəˈreɪʃn]." I also saw this concept [ˈkɒnsept] in thetalk show 'Round Table.' Topic separation comes from the psychologist [saɪˈkɒlədʒɪst] 阿德勒AlfredAdler. Its core idea is simply [ˈsɪmpli]: "Whoever bears the finalresult, that thing is their topic." For example, your topic is youremotions, your actions, etc. Others' topics are their feelings, theirjudgments, and so on. Topic separation helps you draw a clear boundary [ˈbaʊndri] andfocus your attention on yourself. But remember, topic separation doesn't meanbecoming cold and indifferent. It helps you understand yourself better. 爱人如己嘛！Love your neighbor as yourself! This reminds me of another pointfrom 'Round Table': "When you're navigating [ˈnævɪˌgeɪtɪŋ] society, sensitivity [ˌsensəˈtɪvəti] isn't that important, but beingthick-skinned (insensitive to minor slights) is. Sensitivity is very usefulwhen judging things, but when judging interpersonal relationships, don't beoverly sensitive. People might not actually be targeting ['tɑ:ɡɪtɪŋ] you, butif you overthink it, it can cause a chain reaction."

有一次访谈节目采访罗翔的时候，说”人永远不要觉得尴尬和丢脸，心理学中有个词叫做焦点效应，就是说人很容易看重自己，从而高估别人对自己的关注度，害怕尴尬和丢脸的人，从本质上来说就是自我意识太强，太过在意别人对自己的评价，以至于把自己的包裹在舒适圈内，不敢尝试喜欢的新事物，因为害怕丢脸而不敢迈出第一步，从而错过了自己的成长机会。”我感觉其实是这样的，就比如说去工厂拍摄视频的时候，我一开始是有点紧张的，然后我拍摄中途往后面看了一眼，其实没有人看你，自作多情。没有那么多观众。

There was also an interview with Luo Xiangwhere he said, "People should never feel embarrassed [ɪmˈbærəst] or humiliated [hjuˈmilieitid]. In psychology [saɪˈkɒlədʒi], there's a term called the 'spotlight[ˈspɒtlaɪt] effect.' 焦点效应It means people tend to focuson themselves and overestimate [ˌəʊvərˈestɪmeɪt] how much others pay attention tothem. People who are afraid of embarrassment and humiliation [hju:ˌmɪlɪ'eɪʃn] essentially [ɪˈsenʃəli] have toomuch self-consciousness [ˈkɒnʃəsnəs]. They care too much about others' evaluations [ɪvælj'ʊeɪʃnz], so they wrap [ræp] themselves up in a comfort zone [zəʊn]. They dare not try new things theylike, and they miss out on opportunities for growth because they're afraid oflooking foolish." I think that's really true. For example, when I firststarted shooting videos at the factory, I was a bit nervous. Then, midwaythrough filming, I glanced back, and actually, no one was watching me. It wasall in my head. There aren't that many spectators.

即使你犯了错，也不要一味的放大错误，内核稳定。

Even if you make a mistake, don't just keepmagnifying it. Keep your inner core stable.

最后，我看到一句话特别适合  一直以来坚持拍摄视频也好，写文章也罢，是这样说的，此刻结局不如意，不代表努力没意义，只是命运偏爱跌宕起伏的剧情，把那颗嘉奖的糖，偷偷的藏了久了些。

Finally, I saw a sentence that fitsperfectly, whether it's for persisting in making videos or writing articles:"If the ending isn't what you hoped for right now, it doesn't mean yourefforts were meaningless. Maybe fate just prefers a dramatic plot and hashidden that reward candy for a little longer."